A2R Blog – Risk

by | Jun 21, 2014

suspension-bridge-50222_640Hi. Thanks for taking the time to read this. We are on a journey of change from an unhealthy pattern of living to a healthier pattern of facing and processing difficulties. By doing this we simply ‘outgrow’ our problems! How do we do this exactly? Today I want to give you a method of working with your security and how it relates to your growth! By the time you have read this you will have a better grasp on security and how to manage risk!

Firstly let me say that this subject and method will not apply to everyone! In a way every subject is like a door that you can go through either way. Take anger for instance, most of us maybe need to be less angry, but there are some of us that need to get more angry! It is best thought of as learning to be ‘managing’ your anger. Risk is the same, we need to manage it. If you are struggling with a chaotic lifestyle your management of risk is going to look very different from someone suffering with OCD. Of course the obvious example here is a gambling addict, we are going to take for granted that their level of risk is off the charts and in terms of their addiction needs to reduce, but the same could be said about alcoholics who take the chance that they can sober up before an important meeting etc. Even gamblers need to take more risks! By the time you have finished reading this you will understand why I said that, so let’s make a start.

What is risk? At its most basic (which is where we always start) it is choosing a path where we could gain something but we could also lose something. So the first question is where are you with risk? Ask yourself how you handle situations, social, financial, romantic, career, communication etc. This will give you an idea which way you need to go through this door.

Now, look at yourself. What is it that you cannot risk? Are you a people pleaser that cannot risk people not liking you? Are you a workaholic that cannot risk people thinking that you are not giving 100%? Are you someone with low self esteem that cannot risk rejection? Are you someone with anger issues that cannot risk conflict? Are you someone with fear issues that cannot risk conflict? Have you taken a role in your family that makes it impossible to risk disharmony? Have you developed a fear of discomfort so you cannot risk being uncomfortable? Have you developed a belief about the dangers of the world that makes it impossible to risk going outside?

If you think about the concept of balance (see the podcast ‘balance’ on this web site) this is a very good way of thinking about risk! Just see yourself as perfectly balanced. You are standing well, on both feet. Maybe see the wind coming, but you are still balanced. Maybe see someone pushing you, but you are still balanced. Now, we can describe this position as a ‘stable platform’ without this we can do nothing. It is from this stable platform that we can think about risk, you see, if you achieve balance that’s great, but as soon as you achieve it you have got everything you can from it. The next stage is to think about risk. In this picture risk is seen as walking. Think about it, when you walk you lose your balance on purpose! The act of walking is a constant process of losing your balance and regaining it by rebalancing in a different place (one step forward).

So think about risk today, ask yourself these questions;

1                    In which areas of my life do I need to be risking more?

2                    In which areas of my life should I be risking less?

3                    If I take a risk in my chosen area what might it cost me?

4                    Am I ready to risk losing that?

5                    If I take a risk in this area what might I gain?

6                    Does this seem worth the risk?

7                    How can I manage the level of risk involved?

Remember, you can’t do anything without risking something. Let’s finish today by looking at a typical risk situation.

Steve is a workaholic. He has his personal/work boundaries all meshed together. This leads to other forms of addiction such as drinking, drug taking and internet porn. He is thinking about risk now and sees that he needs to risk in the area of personal relationships. As he considers this he realises that what he will be risking most is his reputation with work colleagues and bosses if he takes time to socialise. He asks himself if he is ready to pay this price. He has worked tirelessly to create this image in their eyes. He realises that he is not yet ready to do this but feels that the exercise has helped him understand himself better, his weaknesses and his strengths. He will look again at this idea as part of his commitment to recovery.

Of course, like all these processes it is the commitment to practice that counts, not just the knowledge. I hope that helped you. Please email me with any questions.

Thanks again for taking the time today.

Improve your relationship with things

You may not have thought about things this way but you could be said to have a relationship with everything, not just people! If you are addicted to cocaine, think about your relationship with it as something that started, developed, and can change. 

It is useful to think of inanimate relationships as appropriate or inappropriate. When you keep asking your neighbour for things, it might be okay for a while, but if you keep doing it they will eventually get tired of it. If you keep asking alcohol or drugs to help you avoid your responsibilities and needs, this is the basis of an inappropriate relationship and will not end well.

If you want to know more about how this amazing apprach works, drop me a line.

Related Posts

The non-medical approach to recovery

The non-medical approach to recovery

If you have been thinking about attempting to recover from your addictive behaviour, it’s possible that you have not even considered what approach you will be taking. The medical model of addiction has become so prevalent in our (western) culture that you may be...

Understanding and working with your parts

Understanding and working with your parts

Not considering your parts may be restricting your progress After nearly forty years working in the field, I am in no doubt about the biggest difficulties you face when trying to make positive lifestyle changes in your life. It is not considering the complex nature of...

Art reflecting Life

Art reflecting Life

Addiction and reverse addiction in filmIt always amazes me when I see art reflecting the deeper things in life, particularly in film. Patterns and themes that can often take therapists years to learn and recognise are often portrayed by artists with no training or...